New Year's Intentions: a softer way to approach yourself

I’ve just come back from a very cold and frosty walk down to the river and back. The light was beautiful, all orange and yellow, contrasted against a crisp blue sky – everything was glowing and glittering, but also frozen, still…resting, waiting.

I got me thinking about New Year resolutions, and this pressure to create yourself anew on the 1^st of January every.single.year…it’s exhausting! Even more so if you’re grieving and processing loss. Winter, and especially January is meant for rest, slowing down and waiting for the warmth of spring to return.

Christmas can be an incredibly challenging time for many. It can be a reminder of those who are no longer with us, how our lives have changed after someone we love has died and that they really aren't coming back. If families are fractured and tense at the best of times, Christmas can make the cracks show even more deeply – old traumas may resurface and it can be overwhelming. Just getting through it with your sanity intact can be seen as a win, but it may stir up grief for what has been missed, or withheld, in the process. The last thing you need is to add the pressure of ‘resolutions’ in January, you need rest and restorative care.

So instead of resolutions, how about intentions? I always view intentions as less pressure, for example, I have set an intention to go for a short walk in the mornings, whenever I am able, to get some sunlight, fresh air and just observe the natural world for a few moments (sounds familiar?!). I know I won’t be able to do this every day, and that’s ok. And this isn’t about spending hours doing it either, I literally walk outside of my house and walk around for about 15 minutes and then head back inside. My intention is to not rush into my day, into distractions on my phone – at least not straight away. My hope is that this helps me to be more present and notice my own shifts in emotion and sensation. I have picked an intention that feels aligned to me; I love being outside, in nature.

My hope is that I become more like myself, rather than someone ‘new’ or different. Which reminds me of Carl Roger’s* paradox of change, I’m paraphrasing, but he basically said that the more we can accept who we actually are, in this moment, that is when change occurs. What would it be like to ignore those adverts and people who tell you to be a ‘new you’ this year, and instead learn about and accept who really are? Maybe grief and loss has changed you, but how and could this be in both positive and negative ways? Perhaps there is trauma sitting in you that has been impacting your health, what can you do to gently invite it to speak so that you can understand it better? So, here is your permission from me (if you need it) that this January, and until at least mid-February, rest, slow down and think about what intentions you could set to help you to discover, or uncover, who you are and don’t set resolutions to become someone new.

*Carl Roger's further reading: https://www.simplypsychology.org/carl-rogers.html