Christmas cheer?

For many, Christmas is a time of year that conjures up images of family and friends gathering, parties and shopping, cosy drinks and delicious food. As I write this, I have an idealised image of what this would all look and sound like for me, and then I notice who I have placed in this scene, and that some of them are no longer here. Sound familiar? At Christmas, and other times of cultural celebration, it often highlights who is missing from the table.

I think this is particularly difficult if you are in the first year or two of the death of someone close/meaningful to you. It's not to say that grief isn't felt many years later, it's just that the rawness of it has subsided. In fact, I think sometimes the passage of time can sometimes make grief feel, if not worse, than just 'different' as the amount of celebrations, family gatherings and time not spent together mounts up.

So what can help? Well, personally, I've found making new traditions, while keeping some of the old, helpful. It may be having Christmas in a different location for example, or eating different kinds of foods or maybe attending a Christmas themed event (theatre, fair, church services). Including your loved one in some new way can also be comforting, knowing that they are still with you in your heart and mind, can bring a sense of peace. Buying them a Christmas tree ornament, or decoration of some kind or candle even. Studies have shown that people who can continue to have a bond with their dead loved one often feel more a peace with their loss. I like to look upon my continued relationship with those who have died with a lot of gratitude - it's an expression of the love, and love doesn't die.

Prioritising self-care and compassion is important. It's never helpful to put extra pressure on yourself to be in places, or with people you don't want to be. Rest, nourishing food, getting out in nature, comfort movies, television and books. Doing something creative, like painting, crafting or writing might be your thing. I advocate for doing what feels right and good and leaving the rest of it behind: less pressure, more care is on the Christmas wish list! While we're at it, how about New Year intentions, rather than resolutions? What would your loved one intend for you, if they were here to tell you?

Whether you are grieving the death of someone, or the loss of a relationship, job, pregnancy, good health, etc., please take gentle care of yourself. I'm wishing you a peaceful holiday season and if this year has been difficult, a better and brighter 2026.